Goodness, it's been nearly 6 months since my last post. And what a 6 months.
I started my PGCE, learnt lots about pedagogy and music education and stuff. Did a 10 week placement at an enormous, high-achieving school. Survived. Passed my literacy and numeracy skills tests. Celebrated Christmas. Relaxed. Went back to college. Did a couple of weeks or so and a mystery illness reared its ugly head for the third time in my adult life.
I had numb fingers, heavy limbs, a limp, tiredness, pronounced shaking. All very odd, and looked pretty sinister to the average medic. I ended up being observed in hospital overnight. Had blood tests, a CT, am probably still waiting for an MRI. But the general consensus is that it's anxiety. ANXIETY! Well that's a great diagnosis for a student teacher, isn't it. Here, have a stressful, crazy training year, followed by an even more stressful and crazier NQT year, and then things may slightly improve. But you're always going to be stressed and under pressure. Hmmm. Perhaps my body was trying to tell me something, like "DON'T DO IT!" So I have interrupted my studies, and you want to know the really odd thing? All my symptoms have gone. Vamoosed!
This has all happened before, of course, when I was training for ministry. That time I fought through it to prove I was strong and healthy enough. 3 and a bit years later I had a significant breakdown which took years to recover from. So this time I've decided to listen.
But dropping out of university is all very well if you're 19 and can go backpacking around the world on 6p and a packet of trail mix. In the grown-ups' world it's a bit more complex. There are inconveniences like bills and supermarket shopping to pay for. So I'm relaunching quiteCONTRARY Arts & Crafts and am going to work at building up a series of workshops for adults and children. I'm also taking on cello pupils, and am probably going to start running children's cooking classes with KiddyCook.
Oh, and I'll be getting a dog again :-)
I have a rubber stamp that I use a lot. It says "Live the life you've imagined". So why the hell not?
